Story of my life
by Perfect love kills all fear
Summary: Six months ago Jared and I broke up, turning everyone against me. Two weeks ago he disappeared from school and has come back looking like the incredible hulk. Now he wants me. He's got another thing coming if he thinks I'm crawling back to him.
1. What the Hell

I just got into this pairing and they have all been where Kim is painfully shy and she is obsessed with Jared and maybe in the book she is but this is fan fiction and I am going to change her personality.

I may look happy on the outside.

But if you felt how I felt on the inside

then you'd understand.

My converse squeaked obnoxiously as I ran down the hallway. I quickly slipped past the door and into my seat as the bell rang. The teacher stepped back, showing our Algebra II notes. I flipped opened my notebook and accidentally dropped my pencil. Bending over, I winced at the pain and grabbed the pencil quickly.

I felt eyes on me and gave a fleeting glance towards the seat next to me. When did Jared come back? Hes been gone for weeks. Well whatever, its not like we talk anymore.

I used to be in love with him but it has long disappeared, I was so naive back then, when it came to him. I thought he was different than all those other preppy jocks, but he proved me wrong too many times to count. He's more interested in those two-faced, blond, anorexic, preppy little bitchy whores that are all the same.

I pushed my hair behind my ear showing my four piercings on my left ear. Moving around, I tried to get comfortable. My jeans were getting a little to tight. I sighed knowing that I wasn't going to be getting new pants anytime soon.

"Kim, come up and answer this problem," Mr. Tamblyn announced.

I looked up at the board hesitantly.

All the numbers and variable confused me. There was a formula which I never memorized used to solve this problem.

"I don't know," I answered.

"Kimberly, this is a rather simple problem. I'm sure if you did your homework you'd be able to answer this question," he rationalized.

A couple of kids started laughing. My face turned red in anger.

"I haven't done my homework in three days," I admitted.

"How are you going to pass High School if you don't do your homework. You are a smart girl Kim, you just need to use your head."

I nodded and he asked another student for the answer.

"I need a cigarette," I muttered lowly.

I looked up and Jared was staring at me disgusted. What did I ever do to him? But just as his eyes met mine, his whole expression changed. His eyes widened dramatically, in if in awe, love, and...desire?

What the hell?

"What the fuck are you looking at," I ask harshly, trying to push the uneasy feeling away.

He looks taken back.

I turned away sharply whimpering slightly and my bruised ribs.

For the rest of class, I felt Jared's eyes on me. What is he trying to pull. We haven't been together for months. Is this some kind of joke to him?

I sighed in relief when the bell rang.

"Wait, Kim!" I heard from behind me.

I turned around and saw that it was Jared and kept walking. I did not need to be home late.

"Kim," Jared said grabbing my wrist. I wince. A big bruise was there from last night.

He notices my grimace and immediately lets go of my hand.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Do you want to see a movie or something?" He asks me all nervous like.

Oh, hell no.

"No, I have to meet someone" I said leaving.

His face fell. I almost felt bad, but pushed away old feelings of affection.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Remember that Kim.


	2. Go To Your Happy Place

**Edited: 9:12:10**

**There is mature content in this chapter. If you feel uncomfortable about rape then don't read. It isn't REAL graphic but it's there. This story is rated M for a reason people.**

_But everybody thinks_

_that everybody knows_

_about everybody else._

_Nobody knows anything._

"Hey," I said walking up to my sister and her friends. They just looked at me for a second before whispering something in Courtney's ear.

"Don't forget to ask, we'll see you tomorrow."

"Hi Kim," Cassie said with her trademark grin.

I nodded at smiled back. You can't help but smile with that girl.

"So what's with all the whispering?" I asked Courtney a few minutes later.

"Melanie wanted to know if I could come to her sleepover Friday," she said softly.

As if I was going to say no.

"Go if you want to. I just need to know when you leave and when you're coming back."

"Thank you."

I got attacked in one of her bear hugs and I patted her back before setting her down.

"So what took you so long to get there?"

"This guy was bugging me."

"When are guys _not_ bugging you?"

I looked at her curiously. I don't purposely shelter her. I mean, she's going to learn these things sooner or later. I don't want her fucked over because she was too naïve. But I didn't know that she knew about _that _shit yet.

So I decided to see _just_ how much she knows.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I mean. You're beautiful, even my friends tell me that. They're older brothers even talk about you," Courtney said in this obvious tone.

"I know I am not ugly but I'm far from this beautiful that you guys are talking about. The guys? Well, they just want a good lay."

She nodded like she understood, but I'm not sure she really does.

"Just remember Courtney, who you are is much more important than what's between your legs."

"Okay."

"Now come on, we need to speed things up today. We're already late."

I opened the door with my key and groaned at the mess. How can he fuck up the house this much in a few hours?

I took the two garbage cans into the living room and started sorting cigarette butts, beer bottles, magazines, and other shit in the "Garbage" and "Recycling" cans. I may be a bitch but I do care about the earth. I mean it's the only one we got and once it's gone,

it's gone.

I put the BBQ ribs in the oven and went back to cleaning.

Courtney was sweeping, mopping, and using the rag on the counters and tables. I dodged another piece of broken glass and pulled out the vacuum. I was almost done when I noticed this huge red spot on the white carpet. I sighed and got out the shaving cream, Awesome, and a metal spoon before going on my hands and knees scrubbing it.

I got the last of the shaving cream off it and stepped back to view my work. Unless you are really looking for it, a person wouldn't know it was there.

The oven went off and I pulled out the chicken and tested it before sticking it back in for a few more minutes. I washed some dishes with Courtney drying them before I pulled dinner out of the oven.

I heard the car pull into the driveway and told my sister to go upstairs.

I heard the key unlocking the door. Carters dress shoes pounded like heavy boots as he entered the room. He looked around, zeroing his gaze on me.

"Have you made dinner yet?"

"Yes, it will be done in a few minutes."

"Good, good. How was your day at school, Kim?"

"Fine," I answered hesitantly.

He moved around pulling off his shoes and jacket.

Setting the food in front of him I stood there silently and obediently.

"This tastes like a piece of shit," he spat out angrily and stood up.

I flinched backing knowing what was coming. I wish I could stand up to him.

Carter grabbed my arm roughly and dragged me a few feet away to his room.

He pushed me on his bed and climbed over me.

"Please don't," I pleaded pathetically.

His eyes were glazed over. He was too out of it, too drunk. He _wasn't_ going to stop.

"I was going to be gentle tonight but you just had to try to poison me with the god damn chicken."

He pressed his lips to mine, shoving his tongue in my mouth.

"Kiss me back Kim," Carter demanded angrily. He roughly grabbed me between the legs.

My face hardened. I disconnected from reality.

I could vaguely feel his hand under my shirt. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra knowing the sooner I removed my clothes the faster it will be over.

_Think of your happy place._

Rainbows, Pony's, and Unicorns. Where love exists. There's no pain or sadness.

My shorts were torn off quickly. His calloused hands brushed my sex I writhed underneath him, a fresh wave of panic going through me.

No! I don't want this!

_Think of your happy place_

I'm with Jared and he never dumped me. I'm having sex with Jared and not Carter.

I felt him repeatedly thrust into me.

_Think of your happy place._

Jared looks me in the eyes and says that he loves me. He really means it.

He grabbed my breasts.

_Think of your happy place._

Jared. Jared. Jared.

"That was amazing, baby," he slurred giving me one last sloppy kiss.

I laid there for a minute before inching out of bed. I winced, standing up. No matter what my mind said, my body betrayed me. I hated myself for reacting to his touch.

After grabbing night cloths I walked to the bathroom. I turned on the water as hot as it would go. I stood there far after the water turned ice cold. No matter how many times I was forced to have sex with him I couldn't shake the feeling off.

I crawled under the covers crying silently.

Kim

Kim

Kim

I felt something roughly hit my face.

"Wake the fuck up Kim."

I looked up at Carter exhausted. My face felt tight.

"I wore you out last night, didn't I? He asked playfully. He kissed my red cheek softly.

I cringed.

"Well I have work and you got school. Up, up."

Another day of the life of Kim Rowe

* * *

I know you guys probably want to kill me for not updating for so long. I really don't have any excuses but I feel the need to explain myself. I have depression issues. I had a suicide attempt last october. I felt like worthless. Like nobody loved me. It's one of the most horrible feeling I've ever had. I had to work to heal myself before writing anything. I had to do this for me.

I hope in the last two years since I've updated that I've grown as a writer and I'll continue to try my best on here.

Misa


	3. Just Not Good Enough

Fool me once  
Shame on you  
Fool me twice  
Shame on me

"Mean is the average of the two numbers, just add up all the numbers and divided by how many numbers there is."

"So the answer is 30.5?"

I looked it over "Yep."

"And the medium is putting it in order from smallest to biggest number and picking out the middle number?"

"Yes."

She wrote down six.

"Now mode is the easiest. What number do you see the most?"

"2."

"Ok, there's your answer."

"Paul, Jared, your shift starts after school," a familiar voice commanded.

I turned around and saw Sam, Paul, and Jared standing a few yards away. They looked up and seemed to just notice us. Jared had this love-sick expression on his face that just triggered my anger.

"Hello Kim, Courtney. What are you doing here at school this early?"

"Carter was being mean again," Courtney replied.

Sam and Paul exchanged glances while I just glared at my little sister.

She had no problem with Sam but she stayed away because of me.

I loathed his very existence.

"You two are invited to eat dinner with us later. Emily is an amazing cook," he said, his eyes shining at the mention of his fiancé.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Thank you for the invitation but I'm afraid we won't be able to make it," Courtney said politely. "We are busy today," she finished before I could say something nasty.

Jared's face fell dramatically.

"Well, another time then," Sam responded but he knew as well as I did that it wasn't happening anytime soon. He's been asking us for months now.

Sam watched me for a few seconds before turning to leave.

I grabbed Courtney's arm and pulled her towards the elementary school.

"See you later Sam," she sang out happily.

He nodded at me and smiled at her.

"I don't know why you hate him so much. He's so nice," she commented offhandedly.

"You can do what you want Courtney but I'd be rather not talk to him."

She blinked back tears looking away.

I sighed, my conscious coming into play.

"Courtney-"

"I get it, you hate him but what has he done that so bad?"

"The whole thing with Sam and I is between us, Courtney."

"You're saying it's none of my business? Well it is if I feel like I'm betraying you if I ever want to see him," she argued, angry tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You can see him whenever you want Courtney, I've never stopped you before."

"Why can't you just get over whatever Sam did to you?"

"I can't _just_ forget it,"

"I'm going to my classroom. I'll see you later," she told me frostily.

Walking into my first class right before the bell rings doesn't give me brownie points from the teacher. The old bat already doesn't like me.

"Kimberly, would you like to begin reading chapter three in The Scarlett Letter?"

I sighed quietly before opening my book.

"From this intense consciousness of being the object of severe and universal observation-"

The Scarlett Letter is such a twisted story. It's about a women who's been separated from her husband gets pregnant. She is considered an adulterer, delivering baby Pearl in Jail. When the village demands her the name of the father she refuses.

We had to write an page long essay on what punishments would we give her if we were Puritans.

Honestly, I wouldn't last in that time period. There are too many rules that I would not be able to follow.

The bell rang annoyingly loud in my ear signaling class ending.

My Us History teacher was collecting a paper before allowing the students in the room. Oh, shit, I left that on my desk this morning

"Kim, your paper?"

"I don't have it."

"Go to the office," he said before turning to the next person.

I gaped at him for a second for sauntering off.

"What did you do this time Kim?" Principle Sheppard asked tiredly.

"Didn't turn in a report," I mumbled.

"Kim, what am I going to do with you?" he asked rhetorically.

I love how he doesn't call me Kimberly.

"You have so much potential. You could go so far in life. Yet you choose not to try. I don't get it."

I just shrugged and picked at my nails. He's just about the only one who can make me feel ashamed of myself.

"I can see this is not getting through to you. You may sit in the ISS room until next period."

I got up silently and went to the room; I've been in here almost as much as my own home.

Paul was sitting there making fun of some poor freshman. I rolled my eyes and pulled the hat from Paul and handed it back to kid.

Paul made an angry sound before looking up. The glare left his face as soon as he saw me.

"Come on Kim, I was just joking," he said just like old times.

"Leave him alone," I said before taking a seat.

"What's wrong Kimmy?" he asked moving next to me.

"Why are you talking to me?" I asked him harshly.

"We're friends."

"Key word, used to be friends," I replied.

"You know I didn't mean to be like that to you."

"Mhm, sure. That is why until a week ago you hated me for who knows what?"

"I didn't know that he broke up with you. I thought it was the other way around. He was so depressed for so long," he tried to explain.

"Well, maybe you should have tried talking to me instead of assuming things."

"I know, it makes an ass out of you and me. What happened between you too?"

I could say I don't know but that would be lying.

"Why should I explain, you didn't want to know six months ago?"

"I'm asking now."

I paused contemplating how much I wanted to tell him and still be telling the truth.

"I didn't tell him everything about my life anymore. I can't…talk about some things. And he couldn't take it anymore. He told me that the relationship wasn't going to go anywhere unless I learned to trust him.

"Do you?"

"I thought I did, but definitely not now."

"You know he still loves you."

"Stop Paul, it doesn't matter anymore. It's in the past. I've moved on."

"Have you?" He asked before turning around in his seat.

_Have you?_

His words haunted me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Was I really over Jared? I've been with other guys. But I know it's not the same. I thought I buried all thoughts about him months ago.

-Ring-

Lunch.

I picked up my bag and ran up to Sandy before jumping on her back. "Wife," we screamed out.

We were both laughing while other kids rolled their eyes at us.

"Come on, let's go to 7-11," she said heading towards the front doors.

I pulled out my pack of cigarettes giving one to Sandy before lighting up. A few minutes later more people showed up.

"Kimmy!" said Amber before giving me a giant hug. She reeked of strawberry scented perfume making me want to sneeze.

"Can I borrow your lighter?" Cameron asked me.

"Yeah, sure," I said handing over my mini Bic.

"The flame is huge."

"Just refilled it."

"Are you going to Jenny's party later?"

"Hell's yeah," I answered excitedly. "Courtney's going to spend the night at her friend's house. I love the kid to death but I need a break sometimes."

"Matt's bringing the alcohol," Keri chimed in.

"Awesome," I replied smiling. It's been WAY too long since I've partied.

"So what's going on with you and Jared? We all see the looks he gives you," Amber pointed out with a smirk.

"I don't fucking know. It's been six months; I wish he would just leave me alone."

"Somehow I don't see that happening anytime soon," Keri said knowingly.

"Why do you say that?"

"He's coming this way," she continued.

"Fuck," I muttered.

I took another hit and dropped the cancer stick.

"Hey Kim," he said giving me a smoldering look.

"What's up Jared, you don't hang out with us anymore?" Keri commented cleverly searching for information.

"Just been busy," he said distantly. "Can I talk to you in private, Kim?"

"Why?" I asked, putting him on the spot.

"Because knowing how you are, you wouldn't want this to be made public."

"You don't fucking know me. You may have once but you sure as hell don't now," I snapped, anger rising in my chest.

"Kim, please," he begged.

I felt my heart stop; the familiar look on his face softened mine.

"You have got five minutes," I warned walking past him to the other side of the gas station.

"How have you been?" he spoke hesitantly.

"Fine, you?" I asked politely.

"Horrible."

My eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"I've been trying so hard to get over you but I can't. I don't want to anymore," he said in a firm tone.

"Well, I don't want to get back together with you. You ruined me. I trusted you to take care of my heart and you ripped it apart. I'm not going to put myself in that position again," I told him.

"You weren't the only one with a broken heart."

"Newsflash, _you_ are the one that broke up with _me_."

"You refused to tell me what's really important. I feel like I don't even know you."

"Maybe, it's just too painful for me to talk about. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Let me help you through it," he pleaded.

"You can't help me through this."

"How would you know unless you told me."

"You're talking as if we are still going out. I don't have to tell you a damn thing."

"It's not like you told me anything before," he mumbled angrily.

It felt like a slap in the face.

"Then I guess there's nothing to talk about."

"Wait Kim, don't leave. I love you," he pleaded.

"Well, that's just not good enough," I said walking away.

* * *

I'd love if you guys went on MibbaDOTcom and read my story there, I have pictures and banners of the characters. Don't forget to review. My story needs some loving there.

Story of My Life  
P.L.K.A.F.

_Perfect Love Kills All Fear_


	4. I Hate You But I Love You More

**Read ****Lost and Found**** by ****lovelikewoemusic****. It's awesome!**

Get low from Lil Jon

Like This by Mims

* * *

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)  
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)  
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)  
But I just can't let you go  
And I hate that I love you so (oh..)

I leaned up against the car holding Courtney's night bag that she left in the car this morning.

She walked up to me and wordlessly grabbed her bag and turned to leave.

"Do I get a hug?" I asked.

She ignored me walking away.

"I guess not."

Turning off the radio, I drove away from the school.

I pulled into a local diner parking lot. I can honestly say I've never tasted better burgers than the ones they make too. Sure they're greasy and probably have thousands of calories but a few extra hours of cardio is worth it.

Ignoring Sam and Emily standing off to the side I walked up to Jason smiling brightly.

"Hey Kim. What brings you here"

"Need to order 10 cheeseburgers with fry's, four regular and two diet cokes, three orange juices, one root beer, and two sprites."

"You eating all of that?" he asked skeptically.

"Oh yeah cause I can fit ten pounds of meat in my stomach," I teased.

He let out a laugh once he realized I wasn't serious.

"Those people ordered six burgers just for him," he said quietly.

I made a face.

I guess he wasn't that discreet when I saw Sam shift in my peripherals.

"So will you be at Jenny's later?" I asked him changing the subject.

"Are you going to show up?"

"Mhm."

"Then I'll definitely be there," he gazing at me with lust filled eyes.

I leaned over and lightly kissed his lips.

"Can't wait."

"Is our food done?" Sam interrupted, more than a little irritated.

"Oh yeah, here ya go," Jason said handing over bags that have been sitting there a few minutes.

"And here is your food, Kim," he said giving me my carryout.

There was four bags off food and 10 bottles of soda. I sighed at the thought of carrying it all to the car.

"Let me help you, Kim." Emily offered.

I nodded handing over the sodas.

"Is he your boyfriend?" she asked as if we were friends.

I decided to play along.

"Nope, I don't have boyfriends," I answered honestly.

Sam looked back at me.

"So you make out with guys every now and then?"

"Oh we do more than that," I said, smiling wickedly.

Sam flinched over at his car and turned towards me angrily.

"It was nice talking to you but I got to meet up with my friends," I said politely jumping in my car.

I really had nothing against Emily personally but the fact is that she went out with Sam a couple weeks after he broke up with Leah. That's just wrong. I thought she was better than that. But I guess family doesn't seem to matter anymore.

I slammed on the brakes in my driveway and kept the car on. I ran up to my room and tore apart my closet. I finally found the dress I was looking for. A little black dress that fit like a second skin. I straightened the kink in my otherwise straight hair and applied hair spray. After fixing my smudged eyeliner and mascara I drove my car to Jenny's house

When I pulled up Cameron and the rest of the boys ran out .

They stole all the food and went back inside.

I let out an amused laugh and took out two bottles of liquor.

"Hey chika, what you got?" she asked.

I handed her a bottle

"Hey guys, Kim's got us some Moonshine"

"Let's drink this shit before anybody else comes," Jenny declared, pulling out glasses.

"I've got the coke," Amber replied.

After an hour, the furniture, valuables, and breakables were all locked away. We were sipping away at our drinks. Or in Cameron's case, chugging at much as possible.

He was bombed before the party even started. That boy will never learn.

"Are you seriously going to wear your beat up converse to the party?" Sandy questioned, staring at my feet.

"And your problem is?"

"You can wear heals and still be shorter than the guy. Not every girl can do that."

"I can't tell whether that is an complement or an insult."

Well, look at me, I love being 5"9' but I can NEVER wear heels unless I want to be taller than my boyfriend."

"It's not like he's short," I stared.

"He's 5"11'. I can't wear anything bigger than a two inch heel," she argued.

"What's so wrong about being taller than him? I would kill to be your height."

My phone vibrated.

_I love you Kim_

He wrote it all out. He knows how much I hate the 'ily/I 3 you/ I luv u variations.

Damn it all. Why does he have to do this.

I put my phone back in my pocket and drank the rest of the cup.

"Refill?"

That was a given.

* * *

_3,6,9 standing real fine move it to you sing it to me one mo timeGet low, Get low_

I felt warm hands on my hips after of few minutes of dancing.

"Hey, baby," Jason said in my ear.

I moved closer to him, sensually grinding my ass into him.

_If good girls get down on the floor Tell me how low will a bad girl go She probably pick it up drop it down real slowEither that or she's upside down on the pole_

I let his hands wander up my sides onto my stomach. Turning around, I pressed my lips to his. He deepened the kiss sliding his hands under my shirt.

Jason looked confused when I pulled away abruptly.

"Let's go upstairs."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards one of the many guest rooms. I quickly locked the door and pulled my dress over my head while he shed his jeans and shirt.

He lifted me up, and held me against the wall. I kissed him a few times teasingly before he carried me towards the bed and dropped me.

Jason reached behind me, unhooking my bra.

Stimulaniasly the music turned of, lights turned on and the door slammed open.

Jason was thrown off of me. I let out a scream and pulled the blanket over my boobs.

My vision blurred.

"Kim, what the hell are you doing?"

"Jared, get her dressed. I'll deal with him."

I could vaguely feel him hooking my bra.

"What were you thinking?" he asked, no anger in his tone.

"It makes me feel good. I want to feel good."

"Does it have to be him?" he asked, his voice strained.

"It could have been anyone and you would still be pissed off. If you can be free, why the hell can't I?"

He stayed silent as he helped me put my dress back on.

"I hate you," I said quietly.

"I know," he replied.

"But you know what?" I asked messing with his hair.

"What?" he asked zipping up my dress.

"But I love you more," I breathed.

He froze, his hands on my shoulders.

I then chose at that moment to run to the toilet.

* * *

**Check out Story of My Life on MibbaDOTcom. I have pictures, and banners of characters.**

**Story of My Life-story title**

**P.L.K.A.F.-username**

_Perfect love kills all fear_


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